“Whatever will they think of next?” used to be a regular refrain of my mother’s when something new came on the market for consumers to purchase. I remember extolling the virtues of a freezer in an attempt to persuade her to get one
“What would I want that for?” she asked “I‘ve managed all this time without one, I don’t see the point in changing now”
As a housewife from the forties, she was used to cooking food from fresh ingredients and using up all the leftovers, so she never had much food that needed keeping for any length of time.
She died when there were still only four terrestrial TV channels, when mobile phones were the size of bricks and before suitcases had wheels. I have no idea what she would have made of the internet. My, how the world has changed, and so quickly: we barely notice when something new comes along. We briefly raise an eyebrow, adopt it, and on we go.
Online shopping has become routine for most of us and the convenience it brings makes it hard to resist. Long gone are the sore-footed Saturdays spent trailing from shop to shop looking for just the right outfit for a particular occasion or pushing a trolley round the supermarket with hundreds of others and loading the car with the weekly shop. If we so wish, we can have everything from food to furniture delivered straight to our door. We just need to bear in mind that we risk, in the process, turning into a nation of couch-potatoes.
It's hard to avoid the “opportunities to purchase” that pop up for items we neither need nor want. Advertisements spring up all the time whether we are idling away the time playing Solitaire, mooning over other people’s sun-filled holidays on Instagram or simply doing a piece of research. And if we make the mistake of opening up a link, the algorithms get us, and we are forever-more bombarded with ads for foldable lunchboxes or heated ponchos.
I once saw an ad for some very reasonably-priced waterproof shoes. The video showed a bottle of water being poured directly onto them and running off without wetting them at all. Casting aside my indifference I thought “Actually, those would be great to wear when walking the dog”, and immediately ordered a pair.
When they arrived and I tried them on, they were much too large for me and really rather cheap and nasty. I accepted how foolish it had been to order a brand I had never worn before, without trying them on in a shop. I had been well and truly sold to, and got my just deserts. I was so fed up, I decided I couldn’t even be bothered to return the shoes to some random retailer in China and took them instead to the charity shop in the hope they would prove useful to someone else.
A more recent boo-boo was the keep-warm, fleecy, coverall that seemed like a good idea at the time. Writing at home in the winter, and stationary for long periods of time, I get cold very quickly. I wear a pair of fingerless gloves so I can still type, thick socks under my cord trousers and sometimes even sit with a hot water bottle on my knees, but even so, I often find I cannot keep warm.
My Pilates teacher would remind me that I should be getting up, moving around and doing stretches every 45 minutes and this would help to solve the problem by getting my circulation going, but when I’m working on a piece I get absorbed and forget to move.
When I start to feel chilled, it’s so easy to flick the central heating on, but I’m trying to be mindful of the adage, “Heat the person rather than their surroundings” and think of ways to keep warm without firing up every radiator in the house. A fellow writer tells me she wraps herself in a heated blanket.
I was sitting here one day, shivering, when Hey presto! - it was as if they knew…..an ad popped up for “The Warmzee” a hooded fleecy coverup with long sleeves and an ultra-cosy lining. The ad shows various folk looking very pleased with themselves whilst wearing their “Warmzees” and, I thought, you can easily get up to make a cup of tea with one of these on, which you can’t if you’re wrapped in a blanket. I decided to order.
“Because the oversized design fits EVERYONE” says the marketing blurb, “the only choice you’ll make is which colour to get”. I went for grey – don’t want it to be too “out there”.
It came, just as the weather was changing and warming up so I didn’t wear it immediately. When I finally got round to trying it out, I had to admit that it worked a treat, in terms of keeping me warm – in fact I had to keep taking it off because I was too hot! So, it’s not that it is ineffective, it absolutely does the job I need it to, it’s just that I look ridiculous in it. It's all fine if I am here on my own and not seeing anyone, but if someone knocks at the door I shall have to peel it off smartish before answering, as I’m too embarrassed to be seen wearing it!
“Just stop looking at the ads!” I rebuke myself. and then you won’t get suckered into buying things you don’t really want.
There are times, however, when the internet comes into its own and helps me buy something I actually do need.
My really successful purchase is the waterproof hat I ordered after a very wet day out on the golf course. A friend had chosen to celebrate his special birthday with a group of us playing 18 holes at his local club and having a meal afterwards. When I checked the weather forecast beforehand, I couldn’t believe he wanted to go ahead, but such is his competitive nature and love of the game that he was not going to be deterred by “a little bit of rain”.
It poured, all day, from start to finish. I slipped on an especially muddy patch on the course and went careering down a slope on my backside, much to everyone’s amusement. Even with waterproof clothes on, we were all soaked to the skin and my cotton golf cap was of no use at all against the drenching. As the rain dripped down my neck and ran inside my golf top, (uugh its making me shiver just remembering it!) I resolved to buy a rainproof hat to prevent this ever happening again.
A quick google found one for me. “Fits any size” was the killer line: it has an elasticated string and toggle around the crown to tighten or loosen; the back of the rim is long and covers my collar thus making the rain run off rather than down inside my jacket and, best of all, it is foldable, so I can stick it in my pocket or golf trolley and flip it open when needed.
I wear it for rainy dog walks too – much better than having a hood up as it keeps my glasses dry. It isn’t, I have to admit, the most attractive of looks: my husband hates it and has even been known to hide it to prevent me from wearing it! One of my neighbours passed comment on meeting me with it on
“Blimey Suse” he said grinning “that’s a hat for all seasons!”
But I have put vanity aside: practicality, in this instance, has to prevail.
Finding hats is, it seems, my area of expertise. The ad for another one popped up in the run-up to Christmas. Ignoring my self-imposed ban on looking at adverts, I immediately spotted its potential as a stocking filler for my husband. He is shaven-headed, and so always wears a beanie hat in cold weather.
This is a beanie hat with a difference: it has a rechargeable LED light on the front of it! It’s a mad, but really quite clever idea. It’s great to wear when putting the bins out at night, walking the dog in the dark, or indeed searching for him at the end of the garden when he has found something too interesting to abandon to come in when he’s called. I imagine lots of people wear them for night-time running and one of these hats would be perfect for camping when having to make that dreaded trudge to the toilet block in the dark.
Still revelling in my hat successes, I was caught off guard recently while tapping away on my keyboard. An ad appeared showing a hand cleaning black mould off tile grouting, plug holes and the rubber on a washing machine drum. Irritated, I moved to flick it away and then stopped. Hang on, I thought what is this magic formula? If it really works, I want some. Slightly sceptical, I ordered a pack of two tubes.
It turns out to be a gel that, squeezed on, left for a while and then wiped off with a damp cloth, removes mould from pretty much any surface. And it actually works. My bathroom is twinkling as a result. Hmmm, so maybe I shouldn’t be so cynical about internet ads. I just need to be more discerning.
One thing I haven’t yet ordered and that my mother would have loved are the “Rotating, magnifying, make-up glasses”. I remember watching her, when she was older and her eyesight compromised, squinting into the magnifying mirror that sat on her dressing table and desperately trying to see well enough to put her make-up on. I now recognise that problem. These nifty lenses circumvent it: the one lens is interchangeable and can be flipped over from one side to the other so one eye can focus while mascara is applied to the other eye. Anybody know if they work…………?
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Love it - much the same am I and my mother would probably roll in her grave if she knew the sometimes pointless things I’ve bought. The worst ( or best ) was four swimming costumes from Sea Fancy . Forgetting to read the small print I didn’t know you could not return . Hey ho - for first time ever , all four fitted . To return two, came to no avail . They said I could have a percentage of another order ! ‘Give one to a friend ‘ was the next option . So I did . The other three? Well they are great . I probably won’t need another - ever. Gone are my fashion days . ‘Buy classic and comfortable, mend and alter, “ my mother’s words resonate after 27 years.
As for the rubbish treatments and devices to solve nails and bunions - another story. Her words ring true again. ‘ Dry between your toes every time; why are you buying those ridiculous’ granny shoes with heels ?’ Of course we never did listen back then !